The Thievery Has Begun

2024 is for the joy and peace that 2023 stole....

Hey y’all! It’s NYE and maybe you’ve noticed that I haven’t landed in your inbox the last few weeks. Maybe you’re questioning your subscription to Sh!t We Don’t Say Out Loud since lately, I ain’t been sayin’ sh!t. And that’s fair. But hear me out.

It’s been intentional.

This last quarter of 2023 has been a whirlwind of epic proportions. Most of it pretty amazing but in the end, all of it exhausting.

September-December ushered in a 3-month run as Writer-in-Residence, weekly filming project, 40-page papers due monthly, podcast interviews, book club appearances, chairing (and attending) major non-profit events, NPR interviews, monthly girl’s night dinner, trying to be a good parent, trying to be a good friend, trying to be a good partner - AND THE LONGEST AND MOST IRRITATING MOVE OF MY LIFE.

@laurenoflove on IG

Friends, when I turned in my last packet of the semester, filmed my last GS episode of the year, and closed out my residency, I wasn’t exhausted. I was empty. I had nothing left to give creatively, and barely anything left to give as a friend, partner or parent - and even less to give to myself. I laid on the floor, in the sunspot flooding in through my daughter’s bedroom window, like the lazy iguana who accosted my balcony in Puerto Vallarta in 2016, and did not move for two hours. But then…

I rallied.

Because I needed the energy and honey and love and fire and memory of self that my people provided for me.

But if I’m being honest, that “filled up, love on high, floating above it all” feeling drains out of me faster than I care to admit these days. There’s still this notion that we (parenting people but specifically those of us who identify as mothers) should be able to do it all. And let me not bullshit you - I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DO IT ALL. I do. I want to hold on to the God-light I find when standing in the eye-line of the people I love for longer than 24 hours.

Time, and how I’ve filled it is a mothafuckin’ thief y’all.

But in 2024 I’m thievin’ my shit back. Here is a short list, in no particular order, of some things I’m thievin’ back in 2024, in my quest for not balance, but renewed joy, peace, and love.

1. morning quiet time

2. stretchy pants

3. the ability to say “no thank you”

4. my refusal to explain my “no”

5. yoga

6. quiet time

7. quiet time

8. quiet time

9. reading books for pleasure

10. moving in purpose, not just profession

Essentially y’all, I’m moving into my quiet girl era. I’m letting go of “I need to” and flowing towards “I want to”. Letting go of the “need” to do it all and be it all, and am willing to see what the universe has for me. And hopefully, it all leads me back to joy.

I wish you all the 2024 you desire. See you on the flipside with more Sh!t We Don’t Say Out Loud.